Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in alineonamap's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
2:05 am	strange suddenly remembering a moment remote from where you are and wishing you could be transported back. i was just walking through the hallway of my school building, 2am, having just closed down my work for the night, slightly dreading the cold and misty 6 mile bicycle ride home when i vividly remembered an afternoon sometime in late summer of 2002. i'd left corrina in los angeles early that morning. i'd been driving nonstop, alone on i10 when i got a flat tire on the side of the highway in the middle of phoenix. i changed the tire, dripping sweat. i remember the tire iron was so hot that it hurt to hold. strange that remembering that moment right now, i'd yearn to be back there. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
10:10 pm	what happened to my dreams? my unconscious life has always been a blockbuster, full of adventure and the fantastic. i hardly remembered a dream that wouldn't set your heart racing. when i was a teenager i spent years clutched in the grip of nightmares, reality twisted with the dark impossible. i never met a monster or a masked murderer. i was assailed by shapeless wickedness and unnatural confusion. skewed reality madness. and something ancient evil. in my later teenage years and early twenties, dreams were all the real world transformed by magic. golden rains teased plumes of tickling blue fire out of the steaming ground in a field near my highschool. i floated over the brownstones of boston in an iridescent bubble. people sang with their minds. i walked up the side of buildings in houston like gravity owed me a favor. and more recently it really was a summer blockbuster. deep space exploration. high speed boat chases through italian canals. leaping with wires at festivals like a rock god. but now it's changed. like a switch. my dreams are mundane, every-day, typical, normal. for the first time i can remember, my dreams are just echoes of my waking life. and it's god damned confusing. i think i had conversations that never happened. the other day i spent about 30 minutes digging around our freezers at the lab, *sure* that i had seen a container of tRNA stock in one of them recently. eventually i realized that it had only been a dream. we're out. jason said that perhaps my brain had run out of wild imagination. that's discouraging. i think maybe even my unconscious mind has decided that it needs to focus on real life instead of some fantasy. whatever the case, i don't like my new dream life. (Comment on this)
2:27 pm	yesterday i dug up a bunch of my "skinny" clothes that have been in moth balls for the last year. i slid into some jeans that i used to big muffin-top out of. they fit nice, and there was a bill in the pocket. i credit my new 12 mile round-trip, hilly bicycle commute. since i moved here around 4 years ago, i've been thinking about hopping the walls into the mission street swimming pool, but i never ran into anyone that'd done it, and my last night time illicit skinny-dip scored me and my friends $250 trespassing tickets from austin pd. the other night i was shotgunning pbr's with a bunch of queers on a mission apartment roof when someone got inspired to lead the group over the mission pool walls. we shimmied up and down pipes and dodged barbed wire right into the heated olympic sized waters. beautiful full moon. i've got food stamps. just lined up a job interview today. i really need something to work out. the lab is working out a bit better, but this graduate degree is taking a shameful long time. i moved into a place in the mission. it's kind of a shit hole, and right across the street from some projects, but i've gotten to enjoy my roommates, and i like it alright now. it's really good to live closer to all the action. ( yeah, it's a mess... ) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
11:01 pm	another strange coincidence this story starts about 7 years ago, but the current chapter was last night. in spring 2002 i went to a show in boston. some real fun kids i knew from MIT invited me out to an event of sex art in a highrise. we missed most of the show and weren't impressed by most of the remainder, but the final perforance was ben the sort of male to female transexual. there was a spoken word and a hot outfit and humping a big dish of food on top of a folding table. at the end of the show she invited someone on stage to join her for a date to share her 'cooking'. back then i was infatuated with m2f's without having ever made a move on one. i sat in the audiance, sweating, eager, a minute from jumping up and spinning, dipping her. but i didn't. i just sat there, and some other boy got shoved on stage by his friends. the piece ended in some seriously uninspired, uninteresting, akward date conversation. afterward i introduced myself and flirted and expressed my regrets at not having completed her piece. she talked with me and flirted for a while, real sweet. then she turned on a dime and told me that i would've been a lot better than that boy she'd staged, and that i'd fucked up her piece. so a couple years later i guess, i logon to a gay.com tranny chatroom. this is an activity i've done maybe 3 times in my life. i've spent less than an hour there. but i met ben, and we moved to the aim, and we talked for a few hours. but that was that. so spring 2005 i went to meet a couple beauties, jaki and jason, at the sex workers' art show in houston. i was working late, so i showed up on the heels of the final performaces... missed almost the whole thing. post-show flirting about there was this nerdilicious boy that asked if i knew anything going on in town. i invited him out to a club in houston in frequented. some-number california street? is that right? 402... some address, but was it california st? it might've been. wow. anyways, i took this boy out dancing and some of the tour caught up about an hour later. this nerdilicious boy was introducing me around when one of the performers i'd missed earlier in the night caught my eye. burning hot m2f. it didn't take long to figure out that it was ben. ben, way way way hotter than 3 years before. ben, nerdilicious, and me spent the night totally dance-humping on top of a speaker box. it was especially funny cause i'd been trying to convince a whole crowd in houston that i was in fact straight for months when i'm evidently the middle meat for a nerdy fag and tranny sandwich. so here it's 2009, and the other night i was dancing with a stranger named jerry. we really made the floor cry with our rockin. last night i went to meet jerry out for some sex worker art perfomance fund raiser at el rio. i showed up a little late and had to talk to reginald (another rediculous story a couple of your might know) to find jerry, but eventually we connected. while last week all we'd done was spin and grind and jump up and down, we got around to talking. turns out that jerry lee is the technical director for the sex workers art show. and it turns out that jerry lee and i spent one real hot night dancing in houston about 4 years ago. holy crap. and ben is moving here in a couple weeks. oh yeah. i drove ben and jerry back to the sex workers' art show hotel that night in houston. ben and i kind of excused jerry to get outta there before making out. *years* of anticipation. ben was like trying to kiss a cross between an out of control garden hose and a slug. sad sad sad. with scratchy stubble. but jerry lee informs me that i earned ben 50 points in the competition to get sex on the sex workers' art show tour. so last night jerry and i rocked the drinking and talking. and then i pumped him on my 12 speed back to his house. we stayed up all night being amused. the next morning he thanked me for not giving it up. then he took me out to breakfast. we layed around in delores park where my face got a little sun burn. and he said he'd guest list me for a show on thursday that kirk is putting on and jerry is doing tech for. (kirk is a homo hero amazing advocate/perfomance artist.) so nice, these things. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 29th, 2009
2:48 am	spinning spinning spinning i started crying tonight watching the end of of the godfather trilogy. there's a montage of the main character dancing with important women.. his mother, his wives, his sister, his daughter. last night i really really enjoyed a dance partner for the first time in a while. it was a stranger, some boy named jerry. it was a lot of fun dancing, but it wasn't anything to cry about. bonnie was my last real dance partner. i've been living like a hermit (evident by having time to watch the godfather trilogy), and it's easy to lose perspective on fun and on what it means to feel so sweetly for someone that the person belongs in your closing montage. i want more dance partners. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 28th, 2009
3:00 am	thank you for dance nights. thank you for people spinning and tossing eachother in the air. thank you for lovely ladies in motley crew shirts. thank you for dance partners that slide against you sweaty. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
12:34 am	grey russian i was pouring myself a screwdriver when i accidentally grabbed a carton of milk rather than a carton of orange juice. i was half-way up the glass before i realized my mistake. no kahlua. it wasn't awful, but i didn't really want to drink it, so i started looking around my rather empty kitchen for something to complete this cocktail. the only thing that made any sense was some earl grey tea. i dropped the bag in, shook it around, gave it a minute to steep, and it was good. i imagine it would be better if i managed to extract some more of the earl grey, maybe with a bit of hot water or some warm milk before the ice cubes got involved. but surprisingly, i think it really enhanced the flavor of earl grey more than my usual hot milk and sugar tea. i could really tell that the flavor was born from an orange. so the grey russian. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 6th, 2009
11:41 pm	tech support to the rescue! i've got a computer problem. maybe one of my small group of livejournal friends can help. i'd normally search about the internet for solutions but the internet is the trouble, making it very difficult to search for a solution. webpages are loading *slow*. very few pages will occasionally load quickly. mostly pages wont load at all or take multiple minutes, like 1-10, to load. BUT bittorent downloads zip along like normal. wtf? i've tried firefox and ie for the web. i've also tried to use ftp with an ftp client, and it's also totally dragging ass/not working. my landlord has control of the modem and router. he knows nothing about computers. i've had him reset the modem and router twice. any ideas, suggestions? this is obnoxious. been like a week. crap. ps. someone wrote me a message on livejournal today. to said person, i've been trying to respond via email this evening because i have a relevant document to send along, but i've had no luck in getting hotmail to load and reply with an attachment because of aforementioned internet problem. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 8th, 2009
9:16 pm	i feel like i'm chasing my own tail. i'm doing experiments to figure out what's wrong with my techniques rather than experiments to understand how muscle develops. i guess that's not unusual in this sort of work, but i've simplified my thesis goals over and over to get to something i can just get done with. i probably should've worked longer and harder at the more difficult and potentially rewarding goals rather than down grading my intentions for the quick, cheap win. especially since it turns out that cheap win might not be so quick. 2.5 day old chicken embryo. somite stage 9, dorsal view. mouse anti-titin primary antibody with goat anti-mouse secondary antibody conjugated to alexa-fluor 488. confounding nuclear labeling (observed in neural tube and lateral ectoderm). titin is the largest known protein. it's a structural component of sarcomeres, the functional units of muscle contraction. we call it a contractile protein, and we use it as an indicator of muscle differentiation. the labeled cells in the above image are little round fellows, indicating that they're myoblasts, a sort of precursor to actual muscle fibers. as near as anyone knows, the titin is just floating around, waiting for a time in the future when it'll be incorporated into a sarcomere. this isn't a very good titin label. it's one of those experiments meant to figure out what's wrong with some protocols i'm running. but it was the most compelling picture i grabbed out of my recent imaging session. edit: interesting tidbit from wikipedia i just picked up: "As the largest known protein, titin also has the longest IUPAC name. The full chemical name, which starts Methionyl... and ends ...isoleucine, contains 189,819 letters and is sometimes stated to be the longest word in the English language." scrabble win!! btw, iupac is standardized format for naming chemicals. i didn't actually realize they had extensions for proteins, but i guess it makes sense since proteins are single molecules (well, some are made of multiple subunits). (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
3:59 pm	oh texas i visited texas last week. as expected, i had some sort of flat times with my dad and extended family. then i saw some of my old friends from my college days at tx state. we went camping at ink's lake. it was really great, but it also filled me with missing-them. my mom and holly came out to the campground, and then i headed back into austin to spend the last day with some old friends, my mom and my sister. i missed the hill country. the texas landscape is beautiful and distinct and close to me. i was also sad to see so much of it near my dad's place in new braunfels being aggressively covered in giant apartment complexes, ugly cookie-cutter neighborhoods and strip malls. if things continue, austin and san antonio will be one giant metroplex before too long. i've got a love-hate relationship with san francisco, and texas highlights by contrast both the good and the bad. san francisco is so expensive and i get worn-out with people's dogmatic liberal agendas. then again, there are times in san francisco when i could walk down the street drunk and naked with a bong in one hand and a cock in the other without getting into any trouble. texas is socially and legally restrictive in comparison. ..sigh.. ink's lake state park camp site. ( more camping pictures... ) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
1:23 pm	i just wanted to share this nice image i took the other day. i cut this section of a chicken embryo by hand with a razor blade. the tissue structure and morphology are just really nicely preserved and captured. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 16th, 2009
4:41 am	dreaming dreams, i die. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 5th, 2009
5:48 pm	my new years eve morning found me in the home of some successful child-rearing yuppies. they were away at tahoe, and a friend of my lady friend was house sitting for them. the ridiculously large television had a bunch of special channels, including one with a downright brilliant invisible 80's vj. the toilet seat was wonderfully warmed for my buttocks, and after my business, the built in beday shot a pulsating, oscillating stream of hot water right up my bum. sublime. really. then there was the night's rest on the temperpedic mattress. designed for astronauts, and i might as well be floating in space, fucking in space. (okay, fucking in space sounds difficult, but the temperpedic was just right.) money's only really sounded attractive for vacations and dining out. maybe i've been overlooking the finer creature comforts offered by the 21st century. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 28th, 2008
2:48 am	wow. i just watched sling blade for the first time, having neglected it since '96. it's maybe enough to say that this movie spoke to me more than any i'd seen in years. after watching the movie, i checked the soundtrack listing for a song i really enjoyed, darlin' by bambi lee savage (really). i plugged bambi lee savage into my favorite torrent search engine and turned up with ewr4-2. i glanced over the file list, but i didn't understand. a download revealed that i'd just acquired extreme warfare revenge, a professional wrestling management text simulator created by british programmer adam ryland. apparently this game has quite a following, and the revenge edition is the most popular of the seven game series. maybe i'll give it a play. i wish i could find darlin' by bambi lee savage. this reminds me of my unrequited desire to download kitten by the kelly deal 6000 after watching may. there're some notable similarities between may and sling blade. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 13th, 2008
9:04 pm	after weeks, i finally got around to fixing my bicycle at the bicycle kitchen, sf's community bike place. it turns out that i'd been riding around for months with a broken axle. it's amazing how much better copper 5000 handles now. all this time i thought i was in horrible shape. turns out i was just grinding metal. he's a great ride now. and i'm inspired to bring him into the kitchen to get all the kinks out. it's fun fixing things up with all the other bike kids and the mechanics helping you out. it's also basically free compared to even the cheapest shop. i'm thinking about snow camping. it's a goal for december or january. it always seemed too uncomfortable and ambitious, but after some conversations last summer with some people on the trail, i think a sweet overnight is doable without too much gear or experience. i want a snow-cave. and conditions be damned, i want a fire. i've got a contraption in mind. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
11:34 pm	jubilation aside, let me cover some local election results from yesterday. mostly bad. california prop 8 passed. let's cover this from the top. in early 2004, at the beginning of his first term in office, largely as a response to bush's state of the union address, the mayor of san francisco, gavin newsom, issued a directive that the city issue same sex marriage licenses. over 4,000 gays got married in the one month that followed before the california supreme court shut newsom down. the court decided that newsom had overstepped his bounds. newsom caught a lot of shit for his decision, particularly from democrats. a lot of party elite blasted newsom for hurting the party, and a lot of people blamed him for kerry's '04 loss. i don't like newsom as the mayor of san francisco. his policies regarding housing and transportation, probably the two most important issues in san francisco, are rotten. i voted against him last election. and he may have been overstepping his jurisdiction when he validated gay marriage. but he was absolutely right. he committed an act of protest that was bold, timely and just. and san francisco is bat-shit crazy about him for it. (and really, we can blame kerry, bush, the supreme court, and america for kerry losing in '04.) so california sued san francisco to shut down gay marriage and san francisco sued california to reinstate gay marriage. earlier in 2008 the supreme court of california decided, 4 to 3, that gay marriage is in fact a legal right. prop 8, california's ballot measure banning same sex marriage, had already been in the works. and yesterday it passed by a narrow margin. so it's back to the courts. the supreme court of the united states needs to rule on this once and for all, but they're avoiding it. i find it maddening that the california supreme court only passed this 4 to 3 the last time around. it's governmental discrimination, plain and simple. obama's position on same sex marriage is unacceptable. i really wonder if his position was born from political necessity or his religious convictions. and i don't know which is worse. i guess the religious convictions. california prop 2 passed okay, this isn't really a bad thing, but the whole fight leaves a bad taste in my mouth. prop 2 requires that farm animals be provided enough space to stand up, turn around, and stretch out their limbs. the problem i've got here is that it seems california is asking for inexpensive, abundant, humanely-produced meat. and i don't think that can happen. inexpensive and abundant requires factory farms, and that will never be humane. san francisco measure k failed measure k would've basically legalized prostitution. sex workers have enough problems without worrying about being arrested. the right thing to do would've been to both legalize prostitution and add legislation specifically designed to protect sex workers and their clients from various hazards associated with the activity. okay, some good stuff - california prop 4 failed prop 4 would've required parental consent for minors receiving abortions. a bunch of green and prison props there were a bunch of green props that mostly failed, which curiously seems like a good thing. i can't claim to understand it, but i guess they were shady deals. in the end, i was convinced by the fact that energy companies supported the green props while nonprofit environmentalist groups opposed them. there were some propositions regarding sentencing, parole and prisons. i didn't really understand the finer details here either, but i think the following position won -- it's harder to put people in prison and harder for them to get out once they're there. that seems like the right thing to do. san francisco measure R this is stupid. san francisco has named a sewage processing plant after george w. bush. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
11:55 am	fast forward to the most amazing moment of my night: surrounded by a giant crowd in the middle of the street, this man on top of someone's shoulders started playing the star spangled banner on a trumpet. a big crowd of people all around started singing, and it felt really good. we sang the song all the way through and people were crying and clutching on to one another. it was a moment that clarified that the celebration wasn't just an excuse to get out in the streets and shout, but that it was real and true hope that patriotism could be about making a better government and society. *edit: i've been thinking about why that heart felt rendition of the star spangled banner was so exciting to me, and i've realized that all that patriotic business -- the red, white and blue, the anthem, the flags waving, it's always seemed like *theirs*. i've mostly felt in my life that patriotism was something for conservative red-state types. it was getting behind bush despite the fact that he was doing everything wrong. it was hatred and xenophobia and homophobia and racism. it was violence and dogma. you know, this is the first time i've voted for a winning presidential candidate. i've had the vote for a decade now, and most of those have been bush jr. years. how was i supposed to get excited about a government with cheney at the helm? not only did the bush administration push policy that i didn't agree with, they pushed those policies and their right wing ideals with a lawless, brute-force aggression unknown in american politics until now. that's what patriotism has been to me for most of my adult life. i don't believe that obama and the democratic congress are going to transform america into a liberal utopia, but for once, there's a lot of hope floating around that the american government can be a respectable, humane organization. there's some hope that patriotism can represent some of my values and aspirations. end edit.* okay, back to the beginning. awesome! last night was amazing. i went to a get-together to watch the election results, and after the obama speech, we took to the streets to celebrate. we bounded down mission street, running and screaming and high-fiving passers-by. cars stopped to honk and people got out to jump up and down with us. we passed over-flowing cafes and bars, and we got everyone screaming. we wandered to 19th and valencia where a huge crowd had gathered in the middle of the intersection. people were pounding on drums and beating pots and pans together. everyone was running around and hugging and screaming their heads off. i picked people up and spun them around. i bleated out victory on a bugle. little pockets of the crowd danced, but most people just jumped up and down. the corner store had a wrap around line inside. lots of people were buying big beers and cheersing each other, laughing and exuberant. i don't know if i've ever seen so many strangers being so incredibly friendly and enthusiastic with one another. i found this little album and a few photos here someone took from the celebration. after a while the extra action marching band showed up and whipped the crowd into a real dancing frenzy. people started popping bottle rockets and roman candles over the crowd. a boy, around 12 years old maybe, was crowd surfed all over while he waved a big american flag up above him. it was totally great. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
8:33 pm	halloween 5pm after school i scrounged together my guerrilla scientist costume. the main attraction was my lab coat with a big ass fabric patch of my imagined erlenmeyer-molotov cocktail glued on the back and an anarchy symbol painted on the breast. i added cammo print pants, safety glasses and some beat up old chucks to complete the throw-together. relaxed with dinner and a beer and watched may for some wicked cute girl halloween inspiration. she isn't as hot as i'd remembered, but it's a good movie. it took me almost 2 hours to get to the lower haight party that greta'd invited me to. effing muni. but it was high-times once i got there. dancing. beautiful san francisco roof. booze. fun outfits. funny fake democracy in action. lovely ladies. the end of the night was a brief shining moment of stomping to some countrified music played live on the front porch by real, sweet southerners. that felt nice. the cops shut us down pretty quickly though. election we're all worried about the country, but i'm worried about my city. what happens if mccain wins? what happens if california gets a defense of marriage act (prop 8)? i picture a san francisco full of despondent zombie liberals and violent pissed-off radicals. i really think the social atmosphere of my city will suffer if this election goes the wrong way. fortunately, the polls look good for obama. sadly, prop 8 polls split the voting population down the middle. fucking gay-haters. i hate them. i never payed attention to local politics before i moved out here. do other states and cities have ridiculous numbers of propositions? i'm voting on 12 state props and 22 city props. is that normal? personal ad i posted on craigslist i'm a thumbsucker. am i all alone? - 28 Reply to: pers-903554637@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-11-02, 8:31PM PST hi. i've been a thumbsucker my whole life. i remember in late grade school when my parents and other students threatened and abused the habit into the dark. for a long time now, i haven't sucked my thumb when anyone else is around. it's not that i'm still hiding; it's just my natural behavior now. when i was in highschool i dated a girl who would suck on her middle and index fingers, pressed together like a wide, long, flat thumb. we'd lay around gazing into each others' eyes, being comforted by our respective digits and one another. i'm nice and fun and educated. if you're a thumbsucker, maybe you'll join me. matthew the only response i got from that ad From: kaseygin@tmo.blackberry.net Sent: Mon 11/03/08 12:07 AM To: pers-903554637@craigslist.org ** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY ** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home ** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping ** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html Yes freakboy, go get some help Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile ------------------------------------------------------------------ this message was remailed to you via: pers-903554637@craigslist.org ------------------------------------------------------------------ i'm reposting update: before i got around to reposting, my post was flagged and removed. wtf? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 30th, 2008
6:20 pm	people try to make up for fucking cold depressing winter with lots of holidays and celebrations. i'm glad halloween is on that list. unfortunately, i didn't really get excited about the best of all holidays until today when i wandered around the mission trying to gather materials to realize my guerrilla scientist costume. (guerrilla the resistance fighter, not the animal.) because burning man is so popular in san francisco, this city sells a lot of goggles, but i'm afraid all the equipment i found was fruity and molded plastic. i want something metal and thick and looking like a french version of a horrific future at the bottom of the ocean... you know, after the bombs when we're all relegated to diets of deep-sea gunk and we've got phosphorescent jelly fish for pets. last year i got really psyched about halloween about a week before hand when i watched 3D nightmare before christmas at a theater in emmeryville. midway through the film, a 4.5 earthquake hit the area. fun. i've got to run. tonight, the 3rd annual good vibrations amateur porn festival at the castro theater, featuring my second favorite drag queen, peaches christ! and an internet date. wish me hotness. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
6:02 am	last saturday, i tried to send bonnie pictures from my cell phone throughout my evening out. it wasn't the most successful experiment, but i'll post the results. ( to the elbo room for soul night... ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)